Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of a divorce.  But some couples do try counseling early on when problems begin to arise. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  It’s even possible that early counseling can prevent a future divorce, which makes it well worth the effort.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of needing counseling.  Even if you believe that they happen to share a majority of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  By facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger through the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  You are willing to admit that everything is not perfect, which shows that you are willing to make necessary changes to ensure that both of you are happy together in the relationship.  People are not perfect, and when two imperfect people come together in a relationship we can’t expect that relationship to become perfect.  There will be difficulties.  Counselors deal with it all the time, and will be able to help you and your partner so that your relationship thrives through those times.  You may even be able to get counseled for free by some couples from a local Church in your area.

If your partner is adamant about not going to relationship counseling with you, which will happen in some cases, just start out by going alone.  Counseling will obviously work out best when both of you are together, however, if you end up going to counseling alone you will be able to work out some things on your own, and in time, your partner may decide to join you after noticing your commitment to change.

Dave Earley
http://www.howcanigetmyexbacknow.com